Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Everything is fine, just fine

I sent my mom a card right after I moved to St. Louis (that was nearly a decade ago). I had had a bad day and had called my mother in tears, sobbing uncontrollably and needed to re-assure here that i was indeed fine, she was a worrier. I was 23. The card had a little girl on it. All it said was "I'm fine, just fine, really, I'm fine".
For the years after that, anytime one of us would break down into tears on the phone, we would end with that statement. That way we knew that we were going to be fine, that we were just having a rough time for now.
She even said it to me a couple weeks before she passed away.She said that to me the last time this week, last year. I thought I would keep hearing it for the reast of my life, at least for a long time. I never imagined that would be the last time she said it. We laughed then and said I love you and said Goodbye. I only talked to her a few times after that, as her health declined and she never said it again. February 24th will mark the one year anniversary of her death and I often find myself thinking I'm fine, just fine.

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